Damn you, Wheeljack!
May. 30th, 2010 04:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stainlessCharacters: Megatron, brooding like a broodything. Even in Crackville, some things never change. ^_^ Mentions of Starscream and Wheeljack and a bit of communication with Hook and the Constructicons.
Verse: G1
Wordcount: 1000+
Rating: K. Equal-opportunity Decepticrack!
Warnings: This fic is 87.92% Decepticrack by volume. Decepticrack overdose is a very serious matter, children. CONSUME RESPONSIBLY.
Summary: Wheeljack's latest device -- designed to magnify Starscream's disloyalty and obnoxiousness -- backfires, rendering him polite and obedient. What will Megatron do about such a terrible turn of events?
Thanks to
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meaisin_caoin for beta. No thanks to meaisin_caoin for feeding this crackbunny. I'm supposed to write Dark And Srs, damn you! You're ruining my reputation and I hate you forever. So there. ~_^Megatron paced his quarters, his optics gleaming in rage and frustration. This was intolerable... and for once in his long life, he had absolutely no idea what to do about it.
It was all the fault of that Autobot scientist, the one whose inventions always went wrong. He clenched a dark fist, snarling, wishing his enemy were here so that he could slam his fist into the Autobot fool's faceplate.
It wasn't that one of the idiot's inventions had finally worked. If the device had worked, that would have been irritating, but nothing the tyrant couldn't handle. No, the damned thing had, of course, failed spectacularly. But his enemy's failure had proven a far greater problem than success would have.
The thing had been designed to alter personality. To exaggerate one's quirks and foibles and tendencies to their highest degree. A cowardly mech hit by the ray would go from retreating too quickly in battle to cowering at any sound. A greedy one would go from slyly making deals to brazenly stealing. An egotistical one would go from bragging to challenging everyone, however unrealistic.
And a defiant one would become completely intractable, unable to resist letting even a moment go by without getting in his superiors' way, if not openly challenging them.
That had been the idea, at least. Wheeljack had hit Starscream with the thing, thinking that Megatron already lost valuable time and energy dealing with his thousands of petty rebellions. If, he'd reasoned, he made it even worse, the Decepticon leader would simply be too busy handling him to worry about his real enemies.
Megatron snarled again and punched the wall. Pulling his fist from the dent, he cycled air through his vents in a half-pant, half-sigh. It would have been fine if that had happened. Megatron had been dealing with Starscream's petty tantrums for millions of years. Dealing with a few more of them until Hook repaired him would have been nothing more than a nuisance.
Instead, the device had done the exact opposite of what it was supposed to do. Far from exaggerating Starscream's defiance, the damned thing had reversed it entirely. Starscream had spent the past few days praising Megatron's every decision and throwing himself whole-sparkedly into any duty his leader assigned him. Then, when he finished, he stood at perfect attention, silent and ready, awaiting his orders with as much patience as Soundwave.
Megatron didn't mind the quiet here, in his personal quarters. That was, after all, why he devoted so much of his time to keeping his locks Starscream-proof in the first place. But the base itself felt silent as a tomb without that familiar voice screeching out complaints, unshakable and awful and comforting as a ghost.
He'd instructed Hook to fix Starscream as soon as possible, and he knew the Constructicons were working on it, but the going was slower than it should have been. The sudden change in behavior had helped turn the tide of the last battle... and besides, far too many of the Decepticons found the situation entertaining.He could just put the fear of Primus into them for that. Everyone knew that Hook and the others were dawdling, after all. While they might wonder why Megatron wanted his Second back to normal so badly, none of them would be able to deny that they deserved punishment for being so slow about it all.
Exasperated as he was right now -- with Starscream, with them, with himself -- he had to admit the thought was sorely tempting. But right now, he couldn't trust himself to reveal his anger without totally losing control. To lose control at all was bad enough. To do it in front of his entire army would be to hand the Autobots a victory the extent of which they could never even guess at. No, he couldn't say or do anything more than he already had. Not until he calmed down.
But how in this galaxy or any other was he supposed to calm down when his usual method of blowing off steam was totally unavailable to him? The fuel roiled in his tanks as he imagined how Starscream would react if he called him in. Confessing his failures. Hanging his head. Thanking Megatron for reminding him of his place.
It was enough to make him retch. Not wanting the indignity of purging his tank on top of all his other misfortune this week, Megatron punched the wall again to take his mind off the thought, bellowing as his fist hit, glad for the soundproofed room.
He would have to take matters into his own hands. Something had to be done about this, and soon. The Decepticon leader didn't know how much more of it he could take.
He resumed his pacing, his footfalls rapid and restless. He would have to do something drastic, something awful, something so incredibly stupid it would jolt the Seeker's logic circuits back into their normal settings. He'd have to come up with a plan so horrid that Starscream -- the real Starscream -- would rise from whatever place Wheeljack's reprogramming had buried him, unable to keep back a rebuke any longer.
But what could he do? It would take something absolutely ridiculous to override the effects of the device, given that Starscream had been like this for days...
Then he grinned, his optics flashing brightly as the idea seized him.
It was brilliant. It was fantastic.
It was, quite simply, the stupidest idea he could imagine.
His dark hand trembling with excitement, he tapped his chest. "Megatron to Constructicons."
"Lord Megatron? Hook here." The voice on the other end of the comm link was clearly nervous. "We're working as hard as we can on fixing Starscream, sir. It's just that... uh... well, we need a... er... deregulating switch, and..."
Megatron could hear another of them scoffing quietly. Doubtless he thought he was too far away to be picked up over the comm. "Did you really just tell him we need a deregulating switch? We're slagged."
Silence followed the comment, lengthening into awkwardness.
"Never mind that," Megatron snapped.
"Sir?"
"Forget about Starscream." A grin spread slowly over the tyrant's faceplates again. "I have need of you for something far greater."
He heard a sharp exhalation of air through someone's vents. Hook, most likely, sighing his relief. "Yes?"
Megatron chuckled, infinitely pleased with himself. "Build me a giant purple griffin."
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Date: 2010-05-30 08:53 pm (UTC)Decepticrack indeed.
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Date: 2010-05-30 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-30 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-30 09:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-30 09:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-30 09:20 pm (UTC)*grins deviously and pets the crackbunnies*
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Date: 2010-05-30 09:22 pm (UTC)Step. AWAY. From. The crackbunnies.
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Date: 2010-05-30 09:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-30 09:34 pm (UTC)NOW.
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Date: 2010-05-30 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-30 09:43 pm (UTC)*hurries over there by a quicker path and hides behind a large tree*
*sees you rush by and pounces, tackling you to the ground*
*the startled crackbunny meeps in distress and hops away quickly*
I said don't do that.
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Date: 2010-05-30 09:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-30 09:34 pm (UTC)naiad_river@livejournal
Date: 2010-05-30 09:29 pm (UTC)Re: naiad_river@livejournal
Date: 2010-05-30 09:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-30 10:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-31 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-30 11:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-31 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-31 12:08 am (UTC)Not a lot else sensible to say about it, but then - sensible not really matching the theme of the story! :-D
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Date: 2010-05-31 12:15 am (UTC)It is a bit inspired by this conversation, though. Not that crack is the best vehicle for convincing people that twisted, dark, bizarrely violent D/s makes sense, but I was thinking about how best to depict their relationship as natural without being terrifyingly didactic.
While pondering this, a very insistent crackbunny glomped me.
C'est la vie. ^_^
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Date: 2010-05-31 12:55 am (UTC)What a neat spin on the real power exchange behind their relationship--Megs *does* care!
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Date: 2010-05-31 02:11 am (UTC)Yeah, I think I've totally ruined my reputation here. *laughs*
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Date: 2010-05-31 03:00 am (UTC)...Uh. Well. It certainly explains some things? XD
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Date: 2010-05-31 03:07 am (UTC)Plot hole plugged
Date: 2010-05-31 03:08 am (UTC)Dinogrrrl from LJ
Re: Plot hole plugged
Date: 2010-05-31 03:09 am (UTC)My, this fic seems to be popular. XD Maybe I should write t3h cr4ckx0rz more often.
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Date: 2010-05-31 07:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 06:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-06 11:44 am (UTC)