When I last posted here I pretty much wrote fanfiction only, but now I HAVE PUBLISHED THINGS. If you would like to buy them, here is a list of things you can buy that I have written:

As Alexa Black (wlw themed):

The Outcasts, novel, published by Bold Strokes Books:

Sue Jones is a spacebus driver from a nowhere colony. Yearning for adventure, she pilots a shuttle into uncharted regions—and crash-lands in a harsh world. Kara is an alien whose people are Outcasts who have been banished to this world and survive in Rings above the storm-swept surface.

When Kara rescues her and brings her to the Rings, Sue soon learns that the Outcasts believe humans belong on the surface. As Sue discovers her protector’s secrets, Kara struggles to keep Sue safe and her own feelings at bay. Can love bridge the gap between worlds and heal the deepest of wounds?

Steel and Promise, novel, published by Bold Strokes Books:

Courtesan Cailyn Derys serves the passions of the noble classes—but she’s never served anyone like Teran Nivrai. Everyone whispers about the reclusive noblewoman, indulging her penchant for cruel passions on a private, hidden planet. She’s even modified her body with retractable steel claws. Drawn by curiosity, Cailyn can’t resist a meeting. Is Lady Nivrai the demon everyone whispers about, or have gossip and scandal made a monster of her?

Sex and pain draw Cailyn in, but the loneliness Cailyn sees in everyone’s favorite villain keeps her there. When the ruling Councils decide to use Teran’s gift for inflicting pain—and her claws—against their enemies, will Cailyn discover that the monster is real?

Bonnie and the Beast, story, published by Less Than Three Press:

The Beast’s castle has been lonely since an angry sorceress cursed her years ago, and she resigned herself to it a long time ago. But now a woman has promised to brave the curse, and for the first time in too many years the Beast has someone to talk to—and perhaps even break the curse.

But tricking people into visiting your castle isn’t how you find a soulmate. And looking stranger than a werewolf doesn’t help.

Beginnings, short story, in the anthology Resilience: Puerto Rico, published by Less Than Three Press:

The Finishers are a collective of alien beings that end worlds when “called” to do so. But when they’re not ending worlds, they’re extremely bored. When the Finishers meet Vana, a strange, small being, they find themselves a bit less bored—and curious about what other beings do when they’re not being destroyed. Intrigued, they examine the contents of Vana’s mind… and decide they’d like to try humans’ version of companionship.

Thunder, short story, in the anthology Downpour, published by Supposed Crimes

As A. M. Hawke (mlm themed):

Salvation, novel, published by Supposed Crimes:

Famed gladiator Malek the Destroyer has spent years secretly plotting a revolution against the oppressive Senate that rules his planet. Popular victors who have retired, left the city of Dis, or even apparently died in the arena have secretly trained as Malek’s revolutionary army.

But Malek’s revolution won’t stand a chance if only one city fights it. He reaches out to Soran, leader of the one autonomous city left on the planet, Aerix. Soran leads a caste of Skyknights, starfighter pilots famed for elaborate body modifications that make them nimble fighters and grueling training as soldiers and fighter pilots. Malek invites Soran to Dis to secure an alliance—and to tempt him with promises of power.

The Cyborg He Brought Home, story, published by Less Than Three Press:

Jake is bored of life in Greentree, a settlement of wizards who eschew technology and channel their magic through tattoos. Then a visitor arrives: Cory, a cyborg with coppery hair and metallic hands. Jake is fascinated by Cory’s metal parts, curious what it would feel like to touch them. But the others in Greentree aren’t so sure about a visitor they consider unnatural…

Courting the Flame, short story, in the FREE anthology Canines, published by Supposed Crimes (it’s FREE, so go download it!)

If you need content warnings: Everything is sexually explicit. Most of them contain scenes of BDSM and/or violence.

Fanfiction List

Oneshots

Impetus
Symbiosis
Trinket
Pandora
Ambition
Trickery (slash, Megatron/Starscream
All That Remains (slash, Megatron/Starscream)
Betrayal
Spikes (slash, Megatron/Starscream
After the End (slash, Megatron/Starscream)
End of All Hope
Patience (slash, Megatron/Starscream)
The Dreamer
Pet
Diagnosis
Enemy (slash, Megatron/Optimus)
Diary of a Vehicon
Forsaken
Caprice (slash, Optimus/Starscream)
Missive
Arising (slash, Megatron/Starscream)
Reverence (het, Megatron/Nightbird)
Cold (slash, Megatron/Starscream)
Diversion (non-explicit slash, Rumble/Bumblebee)
Games
Cycles (slash, Megatron/Starscream)
Beyond Redemption
Divide (slash, Megatron/Orion Pax)
Toys (co-written with

meaisin_caoin, slash, Megatron, Starscream, and a clone of Megatron, in various combinations)
Into the Void (some slash, Megatron/Starscream, but mainly plot-driven)
Epiphanies (slash, G1 Megatron/SG Starscream)
Destiny
Discipline
Cleaning the Slate (slash, Megatron/Starscream)
Breaking and Entering (co-written with <

meaisin_caoin
The Things You Learn To Forget
Awakenings
Damn You, Wheeljack!
The Forging (co-written with

meaisin_caoin, slash, Megatron/Starscream)
Salvation
Clarity
The Choice (some slash, Galvatron/Cyclonus, but mainly plot-driven)
Traitors (slash, Skyfire/Starscream)
At the End of It All (slash, Megatron/Starscream, Megatron/Mirage)
Her Greatest Son
Only Victory (slash, Megatron/Clench)
Sparks (slash, Megatron/Optimus)
Bright Ideas (slashy mentions of Megatron/Starscream and Optimus/Starscream)
Devotion (non-explicit slash, Megatron/Shockwave)
Inception (slash, Megatron/Starscream)
Distortion
Dissolution
Connection (femslash, Blackarachnia/Slipstream)
I Belong to Nobody
Silence (slash, Megatron/Starscream)
The Beginning of the End

Longer Work

Jealousy

Rewards (slash, Megatron/Shockwave) - Expedient (slash, Motormaster/Starscream) - Craving (slash, Megatron/Starscream)

Claiming (slash, Megatron/Starscream)

(Co-written with

meaisin_caoin)
Part 1 - Part 2

Rebirth

Part 1 - Part 2

The Ascension of Nova Black

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17

Minifics and Drabbles

Desolation Nerds Need Love Too (non-explicit slash xeno, Perceptor/Chip Chase)
Vanity (hints of het xeno, Knock Out/Sierra)
Unspoken
Holy
Color (brief non-explicit hints of slash, Galvatron/Cyclonus)
Overseer
Sundering
Discord
Enough
Alone in the Crowd (brief non-explicit hints of slash, Thundercracker/Skywarp)
Dilemmas (slash, Motormaster/Breakdown)
Kinship
The Prisoner (non-explicitly slashy, Megatron/Optimus/Starscream)
Sinking (some non-explicit slash mentions of Thundercracker/Skywarp)
Size (Vortex/Starscream, slash, mention of Megatron/Starscream)
Diversion (Rumble/Bumblebee, non-explicit slash)
Vigilance
Happiness Is a Warm Gun (Megatron/Starscream, non-explicit slash)

Experiments

Wasteland Part 1 (first chapter of a collaboration)

Crossovers

Magic: the Gathering

Predation (slight hints of het xeno, Megatron/Glissa the Traitor)

RP Logs

Megatron/Optimus, discussion of Starscream (Co-written with

aeon_entwined, non-explicit slash)
Megatron/Optimus, mention of Nemesis (Co-written with

aeon_entwined, non-explicit slash)
Megatron/Optimus (Co-written with

aeon_entwined, slash)
Megatron/Starscream (all me, not slash)

after finally seeing infinity war (yuuup so behind)

He watches her sleep sometimes.

Only sometimes. A child’s sleep should be untroubled, as his was in the days before Titan fell. The days before his young mind could even imagine devastation. The days when all was well, and he was warm and soft and well-protected.

She doesn’t sleep like that. She never has. She tosses and turns and murmurs to herself in a language he hasn’t quite learned yet. One he is learning because she speaks it, and he wants to understand.

She does not cry, not even in her dreams. She has always been strong, from that first moment she ran to him, fearless and wild, and asked Where is my mother? while the others trembled, and fled, and died.

She has always been brave.

She settles, sometimes, for a moment. Her fluttering eyelids smooth and her grasping hands still and sometimes she almost smiles. It melts something in him when he sees it, and he does not speak but he feels the tears come. They fill his eyes but he dares not let them fall, for fear she will wake and see him weeping.

She will try to comfort him if she sees it. That melts him too. But she doesn’t owe him comfort, not when she’s dreaming of things he has done.

His followers call it salvation, pruning a planet of its overabundance so the rest may thrive. He calls it that too, sometimes. It would have saved Titan, had they done it in time.

But they have their fervor to hide in. They can call it cleansing and worship him for bringing it. He has no such illusions. He knows that he is killing, and he knows, staring at his daughter’s fitful sleep, that no life can be replaced.

So when she wakes, calling for a mother his own followers slew, he wraps a hand around her head and soothes her, but does not pretend. He is not her mother, though he loves her as a mother would, and is prouder of her than any other being could be.

He will not lie. Not about where her dreams come from, or why they will not leave her. Not about what he does, or what he has done, or what he has left to do.

Not to the most precious life he spared.

I wrote a thing. It got long.

plugz , this might make clearer what I mean by liking philosophical differences between the Decepticons and the Autobots better than a morality war...

Armistice

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: Gen
Fandom: Transformers: Prime
Characters: Optimus Prime, Megatron, Vehicons
Published: 2019-04-03
Words: 3597
Summary: ...If Megatron has to lose, this is what losing should look like for him, dammit.

So I’ve started reading IDW’s new Transformers run, and not much has happened in it quite yet

but HOLY CRAP IT LOOKS LIKE THE EVENTUAL CONFLICT BETWEEN THE TWO MAJOR FACTIONS MIGHT JUST BE WHAT I BASICALLY HEADCANON IT WAS

and this has me making excited bouncy seal noises

Current Mood: excited

One for the wlw monster fuckers!

My lesbian/genderqueer erotic story The Finishers is available for preorder at Less Than Three Press. (This story was previously published in their anthology Resilience):

https://lessthanthreepress.com/books/index.php

The Finishers are a collective of alien beings that end worlds when "called" to do so. But when they're not ending worlds, they're extremely bored. When the Finishers meet Vana, a strange, small being, they find themselves a bit less bored—and curious about what other beings do when they're not being destroyed. Intrigued, they examine the contents of Vana's mind...and decide they'd like to try humans' version of companionship.

I've heard a few people saying lately that they would prefer to hear about Ted Bundy's victims rather than Ted Bundy, and... well, first of all I'm not sure entirely what brought on the Bundying, maybe there's a movie or show?

But I feel like... on the one hand, I do get it. It's a lot easier to remember awful people doing terrible things than it is to remember regular people who died by violence, but the regular people are the ones who deserve to be remembered.

And yet, I always feel slightly odd when I see this, because I'm one of the people who would rather learn about the killer than their victims.

Someone who kills people is unusual. Yeah, I know, people like to attribute bad things to social phenomena, say, "misogyny," and then go "we all know what misogynists are like, so that's not interesting, and we shouldn't glorify it by treating it like it's suddenly become interesting."

Which is a weird thing to say in the first place, because just because I've met someone (a whole bunch of someones) who think I shouldn't do X because I'm a girl, it doesn't mean I've met a serial killer. (I mean, it's possible I actually have--violent people are less rare than we like to think they are. But I don't know what one thinks just because I've heard sexist comments before.)

But even beyond that... I want to know about things. I want to study things that don't make sense, and... not necessarily understand them, but have a better working knowledge of how they work and why. Scary things especially. If I know about them, I feel more like I can predict them, and if I can predict them, I can avoid them. So I feel safer.

So I feel weird when I see posts like that because... I get the compassionate impetus behind them. But I'm really uncomfortable with "that's too awful for you to want to know about."

I... want to know about awful things because I've endured awful things, and ignoring them doesn't make them go away.

https://medicaid.publicrep.org/empower-care-act/

Thanks to your hard work, on January 25, 2019, the Medicaid Extenders Act of 2019, a bill that includes short-term funding for the Money Follows the Person program, became law. The bill includes three months of funding for MFP that states have until September 31, 2019 to spend. The bill also included an extension of the spousal impoverishment protections for people receiving home and community based services to March 31, 2019. While this is only a short-term extension, it will give us momentum as we work with members of Congress for a longer extension of these critical programs.

Far from perfect, but I'm so glad.

New Addition To The List Of Weird Shit Stainless Has Survived:

Getting hit by a car.

(I am not seriously injured, and just got home from the ER after making sure of it.)

Does anyone else have a thing where they have trouble figuring out how other people mean or parse short sayings? Because I’ve always had it and it gets in my way terribly sometimes.

Like, most recently it was me noticing a flurry of “no cops at Pride” posts on tumblr and being confused. Like... I’ve seen that before, I know it’s a common opinion in progressive spaces, etc. but I never knew exactly what prompted it, so:

i know what Pride is. I know what cops are. I know what at means and I know what no means. So I put that all together and I get: if you are a cop, don’t come to pride.

Now I figure it’s gotta be slightly more nuanced than that, as no one knows you’re a cop in you’re not in uniform unless they know you, so I add that in and I get “do not wear your uniform to Pride if you are a cop.”

All right, I guess I can see that, as fights with cops were the original riots. But if the idea is that something like a cop uniform is triggering, then what about people with uniform kinks, whose outfits may obviously not be local police uniforms but are intended to elicit a visceral response? Are those people not allowed to wear what they want to pride? Isn’t it more likely a clothes ban would hit them and actual cops would shrug it off?

so I say something like “I know no cops at Pride is a saying, but how would that even work?” And someone gets upset. And it takes a while of argument before they finally say “the issue isn’t whether cops can attend, it’s whether they get to be in the parade.” “Oh. Well, why would t they?” “Because this particular department very recently mishandled a serial killer preying on the local gay community and we want to seNd a message that they’re not welcome until they learn some sensitivity.”

Which, maybe that’s a good message to send and maybe it’s not! But it’s a very different discussion than the one I expected, which was “is a person a member of the gay / queer community in good standing even if they choose to become a cop or a soldier or etc., professions which require people to do stuff a lot of us oppose?” To which my answer was “we should not have progressiveness based entry fees.”

How was I supposed to get all that out of four words? Does anyone else have this issue? Because I try to remember never to take people literally but I keep doing it and saying “x seems really weird” and then someone goes “hmm, I believe x or kind of do?” And then a conversation results which we both only find out later is not a disagreement.

Is this just an online communication thing or is it a neurodivergence thing? I would say it’s online poison but it happens a lot with a particular person I know offline (NOT any of you don’t worry) too. We’ll be halfway to a screaming match when we suddenly realize what one another are actually talking about.

Saying “what do you mean by that?” helps, but only when one or the other of us remember to do it.

Attempting to port over a convo from elsewhere again, but...

Does anyone else ever feel like the discourse about “representation” hinges on thinking of “writers” as white straight men?

Like, so much of it’s “writers, don’t do this” and... I just find myself wanting to ask sometimes what “a writer” looks like in their minds by default.

Also the selfish part of my brain really wonders if they’re thinking about what sells. Like a few years back I went to a conference for lesfic writers and several panels were dedicated to writing more diverse stories with different kinds of protagonists. I think the one in question was on disability representation?

And we’re all having this group hug encouraging each other to go for it and write more diverse protagonists and the like. And then one of the bigger publishers of lesfic raises her hand and goes “how do I sell it, though?” And starts quoting sales figures.

And it pissed everyone off INCLUDING ME but I wondered. There’s so much discussion in progressive fandom circles about what we want, and so little about who we’re actually supporting and how they’re doing in the industry.

Posted his to Tumblr but Tumblr is Tumblr, so...

What does the term “aspirational class” mean? Because I can’t tell, and I don’t want to go off and be incorrect.

But I will say that prima facie it leaves a sour taste in my mouth because it sounds like it implies only rich people have aspirations.

It may be the case that part of the reason I hope to change the world someday is that a lot of gen x was raised with the message that we could and should (thanks Mom!), but... I’m troubled by the idea it’s all class and not at all personality.

A thing I just said on the flaming wreck of Tumblr, in response to a post reading "Disabled characters can get a happy ending without being 'cured'":

I don’t think every story that ends in cure is evil (I’ve had a few friends worry about this and… no, personally I do not want to forbid you from writing anything!! please do not ask me for permission as if i am Vengeful and Capricious Disabled Writer God!), but… why are you curing this character? Does the story call for it for some clear reason (the mindplague wears off and everyone is okay now, say), or are you having it happen because you think it should?

Does your cured character learn something from having been temporarily disabled? Is it something they learned from, or just something they lived through? Is the cure total, or do they have lasting issues like chronic pain or occasional forgetfulness because they did, you know, get sick with the mindplague? If there are no lasting effects, are you sure this doesn’t come off as cheap?

Again, I’m personally very anti “don’t write tropes I dislike!” People should be allowed to tell stories I don't want to read! (And there are several stories that I like that do include a character being cured, so it's not even a Universal Ick.)

But as someone who doesn’t usually like this trope much, I’ll like your book more if I can tell you thought about this.

Arrogant thought of the day:

I will consider myself to have Made It as a writer when those lists of "good books with queer characters" in them include stuff by me.

I don't think it'll work in Adorable New Movieverse but

Next gritty/everyone is morally grey and war is hell TF reboot

PLEASE let me have "Decepticon is a reclaimed slur"

“Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear” DAMN IT NOW IM CRYING OVER AUTOBOTS

on gory and otherwise violent or disgusting content in media:

https://abcnews.go.com/Technology/brain-gore/story?id=24249549

Especially interesting to me as someone who spent a few years in Clive Barker fandom, and as someone whose own work tends to get either "wow this is amazing" or "what the fuck." :-)

New toy! Last Knight Megatron who is actually super pretty

It's always weird to me when people act like wlw fiction is supposed to be snuggly and fuzzy without any harsh edges, because the leatherdykes i've known in real life tend to terrify men

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/sciencefair200

Free fictional things by one of my friends! You should go read them.

...y’know, I think I just realized why that “WE’VE ACHIEVED SOMETHING” panel from MTMTE always makes me feel weirdly uneasy rather than amused

because how depressed are you at baseline if achieving “something” is the threshold for celebration? Like, it’s not “we did this difficult thing” (even though that’s likely the cause for the banner) or “we achieved something this week” or “this month” or even “this hekavorn”

so my brain parses it like “ooh, we finally went against type and DID SOMETHING. Sarcastic yay.”

like, I know the thing is supposed to be self deprecating British humoUr but my brain reads it like how I feel when i’m convinced I’m not worth much.

that I think was my whole problem with that series—it was clever but my mind parsed it as overwhelmingly despairing. The Decepticons turned into a colossal mistake, the one guy who redeemed himself ultimately ended up executed or put away for eternity by an evil authority everyone nonetheless had to bow to, a whole bunch of guys died just For The Feels as far as I could tell...

other people read it as “masterful tragic playing with my feels” and I read it as “overwhelmingly despairing in tone” and “for the love of Primus please give me some sort of crowning moment of awesome no matter how ridiculous because I HONESTLY CAN’T ANY MORE”

Current Mood: contemplative

So a lot of people are adding me but I don’t recognize their usernames. If you’re not the same here as on Tumblr and you don’t identify yourself in your profile. I may not add you back.

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