First of all, when you two write together, the result seems to always be ridiculously hot.
That said, I think this fic flowed much, much better than your first one. That isn't to say the first one wasn't good-- it was, very much so. However, it read almost like an RP log, which interrupted the flow of the story, a little bit. This one, though, reads like something one person wrote.
I also liked the this-- "Which meant there was no other way than this, this endless cycle of striving and losing and striving again, to confess his desire. Much less to confess his devotion." and how you went into what their actions signified based on Decepticon culture. I'm a sucker for cultural nuances, and that? Was a perfect explanation for everything they do. Even the part at the end, when Megatron decides not to let Starscream stay, showed how, even with what Starscream revealed through his actions, knowing how Decepticons work in that kind of situation meant he still wouldn't be able to trust him to stay.
whoo, boy
Date: 2010-09-09 03:03 am (UTC)That said, I think this fic flowed much, much better than your first one. That isn't to say the first one wasn't good-- it was, very much so. However, it read almost like an RP log, which interrupted the flow of the story, a little bit. This one, though, reads like something one person wrote.
I also liked the this--
"Which meant there was no other way than this, this endless cycle of striving and losing and striving again, to confess his desire. Much less to confess his devotion."
and how you went into what their actions signified based on Decepticon culture. I'm a sucker for cultural nuances, and that? Was a perfect explanation for everything they do. Even the part at the end, when Megatron decides not to let Starscream stay, showed how, even with what Starscream revealed through his actions, knowing how Decepticons work in that kind of situation meant he still wouldn't be able to trust him to stay.